"Don’t be overly concerned about what other people think of you and your decisions. Most of them are not thinking about you as much as you might imagine that they are anyway."
-Joyce Meyer
💥 BOOM 💥 TRUTH BOMB 💣
So much of my anxiety, worry and self image is based on how I think others are viewing me and my choices. But ya know what they could careless. They are off worrying about their own issues, daily tasks, and probably if I’m judging their decisions as well. Why do I consume so much of my day worrying about why others may think of me and my choices?
It’s taken me years to learn to love myself and how I look. I look back at pictures of high school me and wish I was kinder to that girl. She was beautiful. Why did I tell her things like she is ugly, fat, and undesirable? Awful. I was awful to her. I was my biggest bully. I also thought that’s how others viewed me and if I beat them to the punch it might hurt less if they ever said it to me. I grew up hating myself. My mom told me I was beautiful but I just kept telling myself "she’s your mom she has to say that". And then would look in the mirror and say hurtful things about myself.
Since then I’ve heard others out loud in front of others speak this way of themselves and it hurt me. They were so beautiful how could they say this of themselves? I would tell them to speak kinder of themselves. After awhile of challenging them to say positive things about themselves every time they said something negative I started to realize I do the same thing, but by myself. This still is no different I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. This also made me think, if I worry that others think the awful things of me that I tell myself and they think the same things of themselves, yet they are so not true, are others really seeing me how I think they are?
I can’t say what day I woke and just loved myself. It’s been a long journey. I found my way back with God. I learned to love my father while learning to say kinder things to myself. I still have my days where I catch myself in the mirror and I tell myself "wow you’re so bloated and fat today". Heck, just last week I was so off I spent three days telling myself I’m fat, how could my boyfriend love me, etc. Seriously, I had to ask him if he still liked me. That’s how down I was on myself. THREE days I did this to myself.
Again I had to ask myself how can I spend my time telling my friends how beautiful and adored they are and not allow myself to feel that way about myself? I told myself I need to be easier on myself. Sure I was bloated, that happens sometimes, I’m not gonna be bloated forever. Anxiety really sucks sometimes it grabs one negative thought and takes it for a run, in this case we took a marathon. But I was shown grace and support by those around me. My boyfriend kindly reminded me to stop thinking like that and that of course he likes me, my friend let me cry out my emotions and talk it out. We also ate pizza, she sure knows what I need for comfort.i fell back into my devotionals and setting aside time each day to spend time with God. I’m stronger in my confidence when my relationship with Him is at its strongest.
I spent so much time worried about what others thought. When all that matters is what God thinks. I’m so adored and loved by Him, so what am I so worried about? God also put amazing people in my life who see me in such a way that I can’t always see myself. I’m so blessed to have those people in my life to be apart of my confidence journey.
So ladies, gents, it’s not always going to be a strut of confidence. Sometimes you’re going to have creeping thoughts of what others think. Sometimes you’re going to have your own thoughts that get you down. Pray. Find your support system and lean on them. You are so loved and adored. Next time you’re in front of that mirror be kinder to yourself, because you ARE the fairest of the all. There is no one else like you. ♥️
